Coming Up for Air
Breathwork for Stress, Be Wild & Well
Twelve weeks into my breathwork facilitator course, and I nearly missed what my own breath was trying to tell me.
When I started this stretch of daily and weekly practice, I honestly thought it would be the easy one. Unlike the modules, the reading, the write ups, this was just breathing, something I already do. I've been weaving it into my day to day life for years without ever really calling it practice. I use it in my sound baths, settling a room full of people into their mats before we even begin. I use it out walking, focusing on the breath without even thinking about it. And at night, in bed, I follow my breath and usually it has the best effect on me, I fall asleep from the breathwork alone before I even get to the body scan. So sitting down to reflect on something that already lived so naturally in my day felt like it might almost be cheating.
For the first stretch of the twelve weeks that held completely true. It was straightforward. It didn't feel like discipline because it didn't feel separate from me, it was just how I moved through a day.
Then the kids broke up for the summer holidays and work got busier, more events, more to hold. And somewhere in that noise, without me even clocking it, the breath slipped.
The days started rolling into each other. I was so swept up in the jobs and chores of being mum, friend and entrepreneur that I wasn't giving myself time to come up for air, not even to check in with family. My WhatsApp notifications, even now, sit at hundreds unread, I genuinely need to hire someone with a snow plough to help me dig through it and send out blanket apologies for taking weeks, some more than a month, to get back to people. Keeping on top of something as simple as checking in with family was falling off my radar too. I was setting myself up for a tricky time, everything piling on at my busiest time of year, giving myself a backlog of bits I didn't have time to get back to, and neglecting the wellness activities that have been my life raft for the past year on top of it. This was destined to end badly.
I haven't been able to focus and take a breath, let alone notice when I needed one. The last few weeks have been scattered, I've been forgetting, or rather not prioritising, the self care of breathwork. And now I can see that is exactly what's been making me so dysregulated.
Stressed, run down, snappy with the people I love most, and telling myself it was just a busy season, nothing to do with breath at all.
Looking at it honestly now, it's like something obvious I've been missing this whole time, and I can see exactly how much I need it to feel on an even keel. Because when I ask myself how this practice has changed my relationship with discipline, the answer isn't the one I expected. My discipline hasn't looked like gritting my teeth and forcing myself onto a cushion every single morning, rain or shine. It's looked like noticing, again and again, when I've quietly let it go, and coming back to it without beating myself up for the gap. That's been the real practice these twelve weeks. Not the breathing itself, which I've always had in me somewhere. The returning to it.
This is what breathwork for stress actually looks like for me, day to day. Less a perfect ritual, more a way to calm an overwhelmed nervous system before it tips over into burn out.
Self trust is the part that's surprised me more. I used to think self trust meant getting it right every time, showing up without fail, no wobbles, no missed weeks. Twelve weeks of watching myself drop it and pick it back up has taught me something closer to the opposite. Self trust is knowing I'll notice. Even scattered, even weeks deep into forgetting, some part of me still clocked that I felt off. Still knew exactly what was missing. Still reached for the breath the second I had five quiet minutes to give it. That's not failure. That's trust, just built differently to how I used to imagine it.
The fundamental activity I'd been doing for so long had slipped along with how I was feeling, and it can't be a coincidence that the two correlated. That makes me think, is one of the keys to my regulation, to keeping abreast of my mental health and avoiding burn out, actually doing breathwork and focusing on self care like journaling, walking, sound healing, yoga, even little rituals like skincare and properly winding down before bed. I have now finally noticed that when I became so distracted with life, all of these things fell away at the same time. Now I see it, and I am implementing an intervention on myself. I need to step in and take the reins, things need some readjusting, I need to shuffle things around so breathwork and self care are back on the priorities list, not just an afterthought, by which point I am too tired to do anything about it anyway.
I think that's the bit I want to carry forward into leading others through this work one day. Not the version of discipline that looks flawless from the outside, a perfect unbroken log of daily practice. The real version, the one where life gets in the way, the breath goes quiet for a while, and it's still there waiting for you when you come back to it. No judgement. Just an exhale, ready whenever you are.
My prayer for the next stretch of the breathwork practitioner course is simple. Notice the slipping sooner. Don't be hard on myself when it happens again, because it will. Trust that the coming back is the whole point, not a failure of the practice. The practice itself.
Breathwork is so important, and now I know it, properly.
If you're new to breathwork and want somewhere to start, come along to a sound bath where you can dip your toes into breathwork before the sound or get in touch, I'd love to help you find your way in. Full breathwork sessions will be coming live to Be Wild & Well very soon - watch this space
Leanne xx
